How to Get a Jr/Sr Date – Wrong Answers Only (Website Exclusive Edition)

The Triangle • February 14, 2025

Send a text with a 5-page love poem exposing your deepest and darkest secrets
Stalk them to all their classes or completely ghost them for multiple weeks on end
Call them by a pet name (ex. “Chocolate Muffin,” “Starfruit,” etc.)
Do bird mating rituals in the hallways when you see them – the more colorful your feathers are, the better
Make it look like a proposal (cameras, a ring, etc.)
Express your emotional awareness by sobbing through an explanation of how much you enjoy their company
Pass them a note in Speech class – bonus points if Mr. Nic doesn’t catch you
Tell them they should be grateful they’re being asked because they were the second option
Take every opportunity to only talk about your many achievements so they know just how great you are
Write a 4-volume miniseries with them as the main character who falls in love with you as you ride off into the sunset at the end
Ask out identical twins to raise the statistical probability you’ll get accepted
Use the overhead speakers to ask them out – bonus points if everyone goes “awww” or “ooooh”
Raise your hand to ask a question in class, but instead, ask them out in front of everybody
Make a detailed PowerPoint presentation highlighting your many talents, assets, and abilities – don’t forget the curtain transition
Make a cartoon stuffed animal of them – bonus points if it is a bobblehead
Take the mic during FMA service and ask them out in front of the whole student body and University
Climb on top of the covered sidewalks and drop heart-shaped parachutes on their head as they walk by
Throw their Apple watch into Omega Lake to demonstrate how time flies when they’re with you
Rent a private plane and fly over the Quadrangle with a banner asking them out
Commission a life-size marble statue of them and place it in front of the Spirit Rock in the middle of the sidewalk – you can hold the marble hand to practice for when you’re married
Cover the Quadrangle in a giant picture of your face asking them out
Walk on the grass to kill it and spell out their name (show how much you love them by risking your life) – bonus points if Mr. Nic doesn’t see it
Run full speed headfirst into your competition in front of them to assert dominance
Talk constantly about how you can’t wait for open season to hunt for eligible fair maidens
Stand on your tippy toes and talk an octave lower than you usually do
Always talk in a British accent around them so that they know you are a sophisticated sigma skibidi gigachad
Always talk about how lucky someone would be if they went with you and how badly everyone wants you – this will make them desperate for you
Compose and record an original country song about how amazing they are and blast it during lunch – bonus points if you talk about a pickup truck, America, and the best president ever
Create, script, and animate an anime where you two are the only remaining people on earth
Constantly make references about how you’d pull a Sydney Carton for them
Post pictures of them on every door with the phrase “I want YOU for Jr. Sr.”
Write a spin-off of your favorite teen dystopian novel and save their lives on multiple occasions, followed by long stretches of prolonged eye contact
Rewrite your entire DND campaign so that the two of you end up tied together in a small room slowly filling with water and have to work together to get out or you both die – bonus points if you make a declaration of love right before your heads go under
Impersonate William the Conqueror and reenact the Battle of Hastings to show off your impressive swordsmanship – bonus points if it is done with real swords
Read Song of Solomon together after a candlelit dinner- bonus points if it is the Message version
Sign them up for as many email subscriptions and college lists as you can to show them that they are wanted
Attach a hidden mic to your friend and make them go ask her about you – bonus points if you add a hidden camera as well
Make 400 burner accounts to get their Insta followers up – bonus points if it is “your name” + burner account number
Make them sign up for an online dating site, but make sure they can only match you
Find cockroaches to give to them as little friends 🙂 – bonus points if the cockroaches are still alive
Tell them you like their natural look after they clearly spent all morning doing their hair and/or makeup
Hypnotize yourself to make sure they know that you are in love with them by doing anything they want
Fly a flag with their face on it above the American flag to show that you value them more than the country you live in
Convince your dog to ask them out for you – this one might actually work
Write an anthem about them and sing it with your hand over your heart
Kiss the ground they tread upon… literally – bonus points if you follow them around on all fours, tongue-lolling
Compare your conversations to the ones you have with your AI girlfriend
Have teachers ask them for you
Write your junior research paper on why the two of you make the ultimate power couple
Drop an AirTag in their car so you always know where they are – if they find it, say that it was a safety precaution
Hire a bodyguard for them so they know you’re protective
Hire a private investigator to see if they love you back
Give their phone number to the Nigerian prince so they’ll feel special
Edit their autocorrect settings so every time they type “no” it’ll autocorrect to “I’d love to go to Jr-Sr with you <3”
Put a virus on their computer that will have a pop-up appear every 5 seconds saying “Will you go to Jr-Sr with me?”
Have audio play on their phone every 20 minutes that says “I want you for Jr-Sr.”
Rename all of their contacts to your name and heart emojis
Tell them you can’t wait to see their ankles at Jr-Sr.
Keep a diary of their outfits and hairstyles every day and present it to them on your wedding day
Take a picture every time they walk by you, make a collage, and give it to them when you ask them to Jr-Sr. – bonus points if it’s a surprise
Convince the SBO to make a spirit week activity where everybody is your wingman
Install hidden cameras in every classroom so that if there is an intruder, you can make sure they’re okay – bonus points if you’re the intruder
Buy every gift from the Valentine’s Day Gift Delivery – bonus points if you choose “Love, Dad” for all of them
Hire a hitman to go after them so you can step in at the right moment and take the bullet for them
Collect the hair that falls out in your shower and make it into a blanket so they can always feel your comforting touch
Spread posters with perforated tear-off strips with your phone number on them
Hide in the drop ceiling of their next class and pop down to ask them out – bonus points if it is during a test
Put mistletoe on a fishing rod and hold it over your heads when you are standing next to them – obviously off school grounds
Flicker the lights on and off to ask them out using Morse code

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